Acceptance. Change. Moving on. All three concepts can be hard to digest. Whether you are moving on from a bad relationship or simply choosing to leave behind old habits, accepting change and moving forward can be hard. It can be especially daunting when you have little to no support.
It is human nature to want to hold on to the things that can bring us peace and happiness. However, when life brings you to a standstill and you find yourself clinging to whatever you can hold onto, it can alter the way that you look at life and even the way you pursue new ventures. If you haven’t noticed, there has been a problematic wave of sorts, where people from all walks of life are speaking on letting go. Letting go of people who have hurt them, moving on from destructive relationships, and even speaking on accepting being alone. They are wanting to live life to the fullest and enjoying what they can with the few that have remained in their corner. Gone are the days when you would boast about the many friends that would accompany you to events or the family that has been unconditionally supportive.
With so many out to “get for themselves,” you may find yourself in a situation where you are contemplating removing toxic folk from your life. I too, have come into this same predicament recently. Finding out that those who have claimed to love and support me, never actually did. The pain was unbearable, especially when I had legitimate proof confirming that I never actually did anything wrong to them. Their disputes with me were things that I had no control of. Petty issues such as being jealous of my marriage and children, wanting to have a body shape like mine, envious of the fact that I am a stay-at-home mom and my husband takes care of my every need. Things that we as women, Christian women at that, shouldn’t even have a problem with. Question? Why is it so hard for women to love and embrace others for their accomplishments?
My Pastor has done many sermons where he has encouraged us to refrain from being jealous of others and their successes because we do not know how hard they have worked to get where they are. You may look at someone and think, “man, they sure are lucky to have a such a wonderful husband, I wish I had that, what makes her so special?” Did you ever stop to think about what they went through prior to their current relationship that brought them to the peace they are currently enjoying? How many frogs did they have to kiss before God brought them a provider and a protector that made them feel whole?
Hebrews 13:5 (NKJV)
Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
That is just one of many examples. You may have a friend who is smiling in your face and secretly talking about you behind your back. You might have a friend who is “helping” you with your business but also accepting a cash advance from your sales on the side. There are countless ways of betrayal that too many people are holding onto. The betrayal may even come from your own family. You might find yourself having to permanently let go of your sister, brother, cousin, and even your own mother and father.
The truth of the matter is simple. Those who do not:
ENCOURAGE YOU
SUPPORT YOU
UPLIFT YOU
LOVE YOU
PRAY FOR YOU
HAVE YOUR BACK WHEN YOU ARE NOT IN THE ROOM
SPEAK YOUR NAME AND REPRESENT FOR YOU AND/OR YOUR BUSINESS
SIMPLY…BE THERE FOR YOU
ETC…
ARE NOT, I REPEAT, ARE NOT for you!
You may have to ACCEPT the fact that you may never be enough to them. Despite your efforts, in their opinion, you might either be doing too much, not enough, or just enough to satisfy, but it will never be ENOUGH to be considered important or to receive any appreciation or love in return. THEY HAVE ALREADY LET GO OF YOU. They made that decision when they decided that you weren’t worthy or valuable enough to do right by.
CHANGE your mindset and way of thinking. Walk in your truth and realize that everyone is not for you and God will remove folk from your lives even if they are someone that you love, cherish, and/or respect. God may have to remove some people from your life for you to reach the plan that He has in store for you.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV)
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Don’t miss out on your blessing because you can’t let go of that man that has been with you for 10 years but refuses to commit, or the friend that has claimed to be supportive but has never showed up to any of your events, or even someone that you have respected and looked up to for years that can’t be bothered to return your phone calls. Yes, this can even mean a church official or teacher, or a grandparent. The list goes on.
You can forgive and still let go. Let me repeat myself, YOU CAN FORGIVE AND STILL LET GO. You are not required to keep people around for the sake of keeping people around. You can forgive and love them from afar while choosing to keep them from ever entering your space again. That’s where MOVING ON comes in to play. Oh, it hurts, believe me, it hurts. Use that pain and anger to create something beautiful. Cleanse your thought process by revealing your truth, let them go, then continue to pray for yourself and for them.
Despite our pain, the Bible says to pray for our enemies for vengeance is His and not ours.
Matthew 5:44 (NKJV)
But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.
Romans 12:19 (NKJV)
Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.
That is why it is important to let go of them. Holding on just brings stress, misery, and pain and causes you to seek after the revenge that will never bring you peace. Pray, give it to God, then let go.
Remember, it’s ok if they have counted you out. You will ALWAYS BE ACKNOWLEDGED BY GOD.
He will never give you what you can’t handle. Though at times it may seem like He’s not, He is always there. This is a concept that I am still coming to grips with. There are times when I too have wondered “God, where are you.” The devil will always find a way to sneak himself into your thoughts when you are at your lowest. It’s in those moments, when you feel like you can’t pray for yourself, that you can always turn to God and say, “Lord I don’t know what to say but You know what I am dealing with and I need your help.” If you are fortunate to have someone who can pray for you, give them a ring, and let them know how you are feeling so they can reach God on your behalf.
When you are up to it, confront the person that has brought the negativity and toxicity into your life. Let them know how you are feeling. Make no mistake, it’s ok to say how you feel via messenger or over the phone, especially if the person is not capable of receiving such information without becoming erratic or violent.
Before you make your final decision, take a moment to reflect on where you have come from and where it is that you want to be. Imagine a stress free and peaceful life without the instability and uncertainty. Think on the positive outcome that making such a critical move will have on your life. This will bring you the clarity and assurance you need to put your “big girl” panties on and remove the scar that has been showing on you for so long.
Listen, I know that there are some that will come for me and say that we should just forgive the person and try to repair the relationship. Sometimes “repairing the relationship,” opens the door for them to hurt you again. This post is not for those who have been hurt by a one time, two time, or even three times offender. This is for those who have received multiple hits from those that claim to love and care about them. As the old saying goes, FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU, FOOL ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME. There comes a point where enough is enough and you become sick and tired of being sick and tired. The back and forth with that person or persons. My husband always says “People want to say how they feel but they aren’t prepared for you to say how you feel. They want to say speak their mind without response or friction from the other party but can’t handle it when someone else does it to them.”
So, speak your truth. Pray before you say or text how you feel so that you can make sure to release it all. Forgive and move forward.
Matthew 6:14 (NKJV)
“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Don’t be afraid of what is to come. Take it from someone who recently made this decision. It feels like a weight has been lifted from my chest. I feel empowered and free. I feel more confident in my ability to say how I feel and only accept those in my life who chose to still love me and support me regardless of whether we agree.
That’s REAL love. When you can express your opinion, and someone still loves you for it. When you can get married, have a baby, start a business, go back to school, go on trips to different places, and live your life without that person being jealous or bringing discord into your life.
As Christians, we must remember that our help comes from the Lord and NO ONE ELSE.
Psalms 121:2 NKJV
My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth.
Psalms 37: NKJV
But the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; He is their strength in the time of trouble.
And the Lord shall help them and deliver them; He shall deliver them from the wicked,
And save them,
Because they trust in Him.
It is God who will remove, and it is God who will get us through.
BE BLESSED PEACHES!
Remember to be supportive and love one another. Don’t covet. Ask God for it and He will give you your heart’s desire in time and when He feels that you are ready for it. A delay doesn’t mean NO.
Confessions of a P.E.A.C.H. 